24 April 2011
Those Little Brown Boots
Oh what an Easter Morning we had. I don't know what made me do it, but I chose this morning to retire Kira's old worn out boots. Now you have to know Kira to appreciate how this might have gone over. Clothes are a huge issue to her and not because she is some huge Fashionista but rather the familiar and comfy is a must for her. It is my daily battle (if not it has been a good day). Whether it's convincing her that she already wore her favorite pants twice this week so she needs to pick another pair, or getting her to choose a longer shirt because her plumber crack is showing and she refuses to pull her pants up all the way to her waist we go toe to toe almost every day. It took her a while to accept her little brown boots, she had a favorite pair of shoes already, and like I said-change is hard for her. But we finally broke through that and she hasn't looked back since. But as I looked at those ragged old boots yesterday I decided that it was time to "Out With the Old and in With the New" to celebrate Easter. I couldn't get her in the Easter dress, she opted for her knit regular. SO I went for it, I showed her the brown little flats that she would be wearing for the day and I took her little brown boots and put them where she would never find them. I knew the moment that I did it that I could never look back. "Say what you mean and mean what you say" is the motto to live by when you have a child with PWS. I had to move forward even if I hadn't prepared her by telling her a week in advance that there would be a change. Even if I hadn't pulled out her new brown shoes and introduced them to her over and over before I had the expectation of her trying them on, I had to stay the course, and pay for it dearly. She cried, she bartered, she begged for those boots. She pulled out all the stops-the new shoes were too small they hurt her feet-(they were a on the big size) Before I knew it she was on the floor kicking and screaming and telling me that I was the meanest mom ever. I made her sad, I made her mad and cry all in one moment. It hurt, but if there is one thing that I have learned it is that once you start the battle you have to finish. . . I was just not sure how I would finish this one. I mean the little brown boots weren't that bad, they had served her well. She never zipped them all the way up-it's all about the comfy factor. But she wore them to school and church every day. They trumped through the snow, on and off the bus, from life-skills to kindergarten and back again, they were like the little friend always by her side. How could I have done this to her? and on Easter-the day we celebrate the Resurrection. It's such a beautiful day- it means so much to me. One day Kira's tiny little PWS body will be made perfect because he loved us that much. I am so grateful for that offering. So in that dark moment when I didn't have an answer I turned to him. I prayed in that moment that Kira's heart would be softened and that she would put on her new brown shoes so that we could go to church and celebrate His life, and in that tiny moment he showed me that he loves me. I know it was so small. It was just shoes, it was just one battle, it was just one Sunday. But I was so grateful as she put her brown flats on. In that moment I knew that my Savior loves me, he knows my pain and sorrow no matter how small and trivial they might seem.
I learned a lot from those little brown boots today, thank you little brown boots, you are amazing. ...but you are still going away!